


Faithfully I trace your Name

by ilcocoabean



Category: Bartimaeus - Stroud
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-24
Updated: 2010-06-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 06:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilcocoabean/pseuds/ilcocoabean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I muse a lot because I can't sleep or rest. I just keep on thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faithfully I trace your Name

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Still Holding Out for You" by SheDaisy.

I knew every curve, every muscle of his body. My years with him gave me that knowledge. I knew him like no other and he knew me. I, sometimes in my bitterness, wish I hadn’t. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to have seen him grow old and wise.1

His ghost still haunts me in the night. His laughter. His eyes. I can still remember clearly how young he was when I first came to him. I try to imitate his features for my own pleasure but the mirror doesn’t reflect what I remember. It doesn’t stop me from trying.2

It’s not fair either that humans only live for a short time. Those of us that they manage to befriend are always left behind with nothing but memories. I once remembered a female magician telling me it was better to have recollections rather than live a life without them.3 It doesn’t make my pain lessen but I suppose she was right.

Still- call me a child4 or whatever you like- I just don’t think it’s fair. I helplessly allowed two of my masters die in my place. They gave me the gift of a life without them. And it’s not fair.

Sure Nathaniel was arrogant and stupid but he was honest. And his backtalk nearly rivaled my own.5 As for Ptolemy… he was too young and (dare I say it?) pure. They both were.6

I was doomed to remember Ptolemy alone while everyone forgot him and now I’ll have to do the same again, with Nathaniel.

It’s just not fair.

* * *

  
1 I would have looked forward to a few more years of peace in this world, with his chats and experiments.  
2 Go ahead say it- I’m a sad, sad djinn. I’m not. I just want a glimpse of him again even if it’s not really him.  
3 She was a weird one though. Liked to play pranks too much. Rarely serious but pretty amusing, for a human.  
4 Though I do have to remind you that I am nothing of the sort nor will I ever be. Can’t say the same for some magicians though.  
5 Not many can say that, you know.  
6 Only young in Nat’s case. He was corrupted at the edges


End file.
